Jan.19/93

Dear Journel,

There is always so much I want to say in this thing, during the day that is, but come the time to type it down and I forget.

As always I worry about my job, I try not to but with the new legislation it's hard not to worry. I'm not all that sure that I'm doing that good a job at work, becoming lax as it were. Bill made the comment that I was the problem not the machine, it struck home faster than all the filthy words he has used in the past. The fact that he didn't yell at me made me think, alot.

Other topics that keep me attention is that of my mother. I finaly went to the doctors and asked about getting psychiatric help coaping with Bill [ poppers] molesting me. Dr. Forten suggested that I try another means of getting the help needed. A book that deals spacificaly with getting through it and councelling, of course. I was greatly relieved at this and proceeded to tell my mother about it. To say the least she wasnt impressed about it and got quite upset about it. Staring to, by her body language, denying the damage he caused was real. In fact the responce of the ones I talked to about it was ampathetic at best. I try not to get upset but it's hard. You would think that they would be happy for me, they only said that it was about time. So begins the long road to recovery.

I only hope that I will get the sleep I need to face the day with the energy lacking for the past few days. I must remind you,Journel, that this is only a brief review of the past few days and says nothing of the mood swings that have plegde me in the mean time. So good night dear Journel.


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