Jan.12/93

Dear Journel,

There are times when I feel that I have things all rapped up at work and then there are days like the way they have been the past month that realy make you wonder. Every day I go to work wondering if they are going to fire me that day. The fear is always there, to go to work and stay home and worry, constantly worrying. I go to work ,try to do the best I can only to have a machine that doesn't work and get blamed for it breaking, then you get it working, only to have it break on you again. The boss , neding the important order in a hurry, finds it still on the machine that you claimed you fixed. This is after he voluntered to try to fix it and now wont touch it. A very trying situation at best.There are many things I want to type in here after I put it all away, the desperation, the fear, the strain of trying to be brave, the need to put what I'm feeling in a reasonable mannor, then forgetting it all befor I come here. Tonight I commented on my own for the first time in months. It was a simple on but I made it non the less,and I'm glad of it. Going to Jah. is getting easer every night and He's answering them. I feel one world, that I have been available to me, just opening up to me, I have been studing more than I have in a year. For how long I don't know but at least it's start. I feel good for what I have done so far.


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