Feb.21/93

Dear Journel,

There are times when I understand men and then there are times when I don't, like now. When you encounter reality which I did this evening, it's only then I don't, at all.

It seem that every time I encounteer Victor I find myself tonge tied and unable to answer any question at all, misunderstandings occure and I'm always [ and I mean always] on the apology end. I say that the next time will be different but it never is. YOu see I was hoping that I could relax and unwinde tonight.Now I reaize you can't do it with people I don't know. I was uncom@ertable ,uncertain, and very tired. I shouldn't have gone, and I won't do it again. The bowling was great but the people were not. In otherwords I messed up baddly due to being tired. But on to other busness..... I have been on a self inprovement kick and I havent been getting anyware with anything lately. I'm macking two dresses for someone that I thought might mack them feel better but am told that I practacly begged to do so. In my oppinion I didn't beg.

I often think my verson of reality is completely different from others. This leads to confusion and missunderstanding on my part. I tend to withdrawl into myself macking the situation worse.

I deffinatly feel at a disatvantage when it comes to Annette,Haward, and Victor. Withe the risk of sounding petty I realy don't want to play with them any more. At least not till I get my head on straight. I don't need the added hassel and don't need to be accused of being "read like a book" dispite what Victor says. Everything in my being want's me to phone him up and tell him that he dosen't know me at all, only what I want hom to see, I'm a completely different person from the one I let him see. But courage prevents me, or the lack of words.


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