March 5/93

Dear Journel,

There are days when I feel I've got things firgured out emotionaly, mentaly. But It's amazing what just one wrong word,phrase, or action sends my supervisor speaks that makes me question my very existance and my attitude. I'm having trouble sleeping tonight. I thought that if I type it out I might feel better. As always my problems centers around work. One wrong movement sends my boss into a fighting mode. I feel terrible, I have bad cold and I did something very stupid at work. I motioned to Bill hold on a moment when he wanted to see me about something. Later when, I need something to do he questiond me about whether or not I deserved to even have more work. I did know what he was getting at, that is till now. I insulted him, seems trivial but this is Bill we are talking about. I can't seem to shake this dredful feeling of hopelessness. You know the very reason I type in this is to express my feelings and the only timr I think of anything is when I'm at work not when I'm sitting at the computer. I truely don't know what is going to happen on Monday but I do know that Bill hasen't fired me yet, maybe Monday, who knows I trurely think that the brady is getting to me. I also know that I won't stop thinking about this till Monday. What will happen, maybe Bill will be human and understand why I did as I did and forgive me or at the least not hold it against me, which isn't very likely I'm afraid. So till then good night Journel till tomarrow.


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